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Playing Big Book Club: Inner Mentor

Note: This is the second post of the Playing Big Book Club series. If you want to read the first post on the inner critic, click here.

You’re Playing Small

A client of mine said recently, “I was meant to do more than what I’m doing right now.” I said to her, “You were meant to be more than you’re being right now.” She’s been playing small. Most of us have been.

How do we stop playing small and do the things we know we are meant to do?

In chapter two of Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message, Tara Mohr discusses your Inner Mentor. After reading this, I knew I had to share the book.  Tuning in to your inner mentor is the key to creating the life you’ve always dreamed of living. The concept is simple, yet tremendously powerful.

Your Inner Mentor is the wise part of yourself. The part that is free from “shoulds”, expectations and the “I could never do that’s” (all inner critic). It is the part that knows what you’re called to do.

Tuning In to Your Inner Mentor: Visualizing Your Future Self

Tara shares a guided meditation she learned at the Coaches Training Institute that leads you twenty years into the future to meet your future self. Your future self is a wiser, more authentically expressed version of yourself.

Imagining twenty years into the future gives us a glimpse of who we are called to become even if we have no idea how we want to get there.

Here’s the guided meditation. (You will need to subscribe to Tara Mohr’s email list to download the file).

When I first did this visualization with my coach, Jac McNeil, I imagined a woman who lived in a home the redwoods that wore flowing silk shirts. She invited me in and we spoke while sitting on her white couch looking through the floor to ceiling windows to the forest. Her message: “Everything is going to turn out fine.”

And you know what? I believed her. I knew she spoke the truth. Even more importantly, now when I call on her, I still have the same sense of “rightness”.

This doesn’t mean that your life will become the way that you visualized it. I don’t want to live in California. I don’t like flowing silk shirts, they remind me of hide-your-fat-rolls-underneath-a-tunic, cruise ship fashion. But the voice of my inner mentor resonates. She was relaxed and wise. She created the life she wanted to be living. She was living close to nature. Her home was minimalistic but beautiful. She was intentional in her choices.

If things don’t quite fit for you, don’t get stuck on the details. Listen to what rings true in the message and wisdom of you inner mentor. 

Inner Critic vs. Inner Mentor

In contrast to the harsh voice of the inner critic, the inner mentor’s voice is kind and loving. The inner critic offers long, complex reasons whereas the inner mentor’s wisdom is simple. My inner mentor says things like:  Relax. Breathe.

The inner mentor is the voice Elizabeth Gilbert hears in Eat, Pray, Love when she is sobbing on the floor of her bathroom in the middle of the night. It tells her, “Go to bed, Liz”.

My inner mentor soothes my desire to fix things in my life right now. She provides a long-term perspective and reminds me in a gentle voice that this particular thing won’t matter in twenty years. She eases the grip of perfectionism.

Why do we always hear the voice of the inner critic rather than the inner mentor?

Tara says:

In part we are more familiar with the inner critic than the inner mentor because we hear the inner critic voice more loudly. The inner critic demands our attention. The inner mentor waits to be paid attention to. Where the inner critic rants and raves, the inner mentor speaks softly. The inner critic interrupts and invades our thinking. The inner mentor almost always waits to be asked for input before she speaks.

Bingo.

You have to ask your inner mentor for guidance. She won’t offer it unless asked. In contrast, my own inner critic, Margie, yammers nonstop about all the reasons I shouldn’t be doing something, or how it won’t work out, or how I’m not ready. Tell your inner critic: Thanks, but I’ve got this.

Tara says, “what is most important about the inner mentor is that she liberates you from playing big on anyone else’s terms and shows you what playing big looks like for you.”

The inner mentor is powerful. She is free from society’s (and your inner critic’s) expectations. She defines life on your terms for you.

Cultivate the Voice of Your Inner Mentor

Sometimes your inner mentor hasn’t been listened to for so long, the voice may be faint. Cultivate this voice. Ask your inner mentor: What would you do in this situation? What guidance would you offer?

Spend your time as she would. Act like she would. When you feel unsure or need support, turn to your inner mentor.

Your Turn: Join the Playing Big Book Club Discussion

What did you see in your inner mentor visualization? What wisdom did he/she offer? Share your insights in the comments.

Still haven’t got the book? Order it here (affiliate link). Loving the book? Share this post with a friend.

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{ 7 comments… add one }
  • Veronika Bond November 9, 2014, 3:41 pm

    Hi Lorena, thanks for creating this ‘Playing Big Book CLub’! My inner mentor told me that whatever I want to do, I can do it by relying fully on my creativity. No need to be intimidated by the way others do things, because that’s just their way, not mine. The moment she told me that I knew I’m going to have so much fun.

    • Lorena November 11, 2014, 6:19 am

      Thanks for sharing, Veronika. Yes! I can’t wait to see what you create now that you’re listening to your inner mentor. Keep us posted!

  • Nienke July 29, 2015, 8:21 am

    My inner mentor told me that it means a lot to me to feel connected to nature. Playing big for me is relaxing in being: knowing that I can’t really lose anything, because I can’t own anything. So there’s not much to be scared about. I can just experience and be, and be grateful for all the good things in that experience. Connecting to people and nature, that’s really valuable for me.

    • Lorena July 30, 2015, 5:38 am

      Nienke-
      I love the way you phrased that, “relaxing into being”. Truth. I just got back from a long walk- nothing has me tune in faster to being present than being outside in nature. :)

      Lorena

  • Marloes August 11, 2015, 6:42 pm

    Hi Lorena,
    Thank you for creating this book club! I loved that my inner mentor was without doubt, she seemed to just know what was right. She didn’t speak to me, but communicated through facial expressions and by looking at objects/places. I haven’t quite figured out what all of that meant but hope that that will come over time. I did the visualization only a few days ago and notice now that I cannot ‘tap into her’ or her voice, as Tara describes. It’s as if I cannot connect. Maybe my conscious will/mind does not want to let go ;-). I will do the visualization exercise again, to see if that helps. Do you have any tips/advice for me on how to tap into your inner mentor? Does it take a lot of time to learn? Thanks!

    • Lorena August 13, 2015, 11:10 pm

      Marloes-
      It isn’t uncommon for people to feel a bit disconnected from their innner mentor when they first start tuning in. My suggestion would be to keep thinking about what your “wise self” or “future self” (I usually think in terms of 20 years into the future) would tell you about your current situation. For me I’m often told something like, “it’ll all work out” or “relax, it’ll be okay” something that is usually reassuring. I’d love to hear what continues to unfold for you as you keep tuning in.

      Best,
      Lorena

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